Should I Gather With Family For Thanksgiving?

[ photo by Anna Tukhfatullina ]

Can I safely gather with family for Thanksgiving?

2020...what a year. And just when we thought we could finally join together with our family and friends to put a positive note on what many would call a catastrophe of a year, COVID numbers climb to record levels. March to June were tough on us as parents to our kids, no matter their ages, and as children to our parents, also, no matter the age.

Speaking personally, my parents are both over the age of 65, which automatically places them in the “high risk” group. Add to that my mom’s autoimmune disorders and my dad’s history of cardiac issues, and it places them both in even riskier categories. I will be the first to admit that I had been looking forward to spending this Thanksgiving with my parents, siblings, their spouses and my nieces and nephews.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year. It is one of the days we are all able to stop and just be together. We take the time to reflect on the things we are thankful for, and for me, that is my family. 

Risks of COVID-19 when gathering with family for Thanksgiving.

I want to discuss how this Thanksgiving has torn at my heart. Just as I mentioned above, it’s my favorite holiday! Part of what makes it my favorite is being with my family. In the beginning of November I started to have that nagging thought in the back of my mind that my family might not be able to safely get together. Surely not, I thought. Surely there is a way we can safely do it.

I played out the possible scenarios. The first being get together as usual and hope for the best. All in all, my family has been pretty careful. All of my siblings wear masks when they are out and about. They have limited their exposure to large groups. Dad always wears a mask, and mom has not really left the house much, especially in these past couple of months.

Of course, all the kids are in school, but they have to wear masks. Some of the kids, mine included, have spent some time in quarantine due to exposures, but so far, none have tested positive for COVID. So, we could all just hope and pray for the best and get together as we normally do. Well, the more I thought about that, the more I thought that just did not sound like a chance I was willing to take. 

Can we be together but separate?

Okay, onto the next scenario: We get together, everyone wears masks the whole time except to eat, and we all try to maintain at least six feet of social distance. We would even have different tables set up for each family so that we could eat separately. The complication lies in keeping the younger kids from playing with their cousins. That would be a nearly impossible task. I floated that possibility by my brother, and he said what we were all thinking…”That’s just too weird and not realistic for the little kids.” 

The final scenario to come about was to pray for good weather (we are in Indiana, so you never know). If the weather cooperated, we could have a bonfire outside, skip the food and wear masks. Really, that is still a plausible scenario that I would have felt more comfortable with, but with this Indiana weather, you just don’t know what you will get. And again, how do you keep the cousins from running around together? 

Risks of gathering with family for Thanksgiving this year are just too great.

So ultimately, my parents, siblings and I made the very hard decision not to gather with family for Thanksgiving this year. We made that decision a little over a week ago. I still have a daily struggle with sadness over not being together and question whether or not it is the right decision. Are we being too careful?

I have seen so many things posted on social media regarding missing out on gathering with family and friends for Thanksgiving. The one that gets me the most…that this could possibly be the last Thanksgiving a loved one is around for. Missing out on that because of COVID-19 and having to isolate is difficult to process. It’s hard because I know we are not guaranteed another Thanksgiving, let alone tomorrow!

Doing what I feel is best for my family and for others.

Despite this, my family members and I continue to get affirmations that we are making the right decision. Unfortunately, we are hearing of a multitude of people we have had contact with that are now COVID positive. With our kids in school and participating in activities and both myself, my husband and brother-in-law working in healthcare, there is just no way we can completely isolate. I don’t know how I would deal with knowing I passed this onto my parents or siblings, especially if there was a bad outcome as a result of the COVID-19 infection. 

My dad mentioned that despite him and my mom not joining in on Thanksgiving, why don’t all of us kids and our families still get together? Honestly, it is tempting. We don’t have anyone with any of the big risk factors for having a bad outcome if one of us were to get COVID. But that is where I have to stop and just say no. As a physician, I have to support my fellow healthcare workers, especially those that are directly caring for patients battling COVID-19 in the hospitals.

We are not going to get together in an effort to break the chain of this infection. All it takes is for one person in the family to unknowingly pass it to someone else in the family who then goes into the community and passes it to someone, ultimately causing another person to be critically ill in the hospital.

No, my family decided together that we are going to spend this Thanksgiving each within our own households so that we can hopefully do our parts in limiting the spread of COVID-19.

I know this is a polarizing topic for people. Quite frankly, the most important decisions we have to make in our lives are usually tough and not everyone agrees on the decisions. Big decisions, especially those that affect the trajectory of my life, require much thought and consideration.

How COVID can impact your decision to gather with family for Thanksgiving.

So lastly, I would like to implore each of you to consider making a hard decision to stay within your core household this year for Thanksgiving. The thought of a loved one dying to complications of COVID-19 are daunting. In addition, the thought of a loved one not dying but trying to recover from the effects of COVID are also daunting. I have cared for these people in rehabilitation.  This is not an easy road to travel. It’s long. It’s isolating. And there’s no guarantee that person will recover the function that he or she enjoyed prior to COVID.

So, from my house to yours, please take this Thanksgiving as a time to be grateful for the family and friends we have. We love them so much that we are willing to sacrifice being with them this year in order to have, hopefully, many more holidays to celebrate together.

What are your thoughts on gathering with family for Thanksgiving? Please leave a comment.

© 2020 Jessica Kluetz, DO