How To Tell Elderly Parent Not To Drive
[ photo by Nordic Overdrive ]
Aging parent and driving, at some point it has to stop.
The “we are going to have to take your keys away” talk...I have had this tough conversation more times than I can count. It is never a fun one. Taking driving privileges away from someone who has driven since he was 16 years old (maybe even earlier for those farm boys) is taking away their freedom. They can no longer go where they please, when they please.
Who is the one to tell elderly parent not to drive?
I recently read an article by a pediatrician in which he vented his frustration at his dad’s doctor for not having that conversation with his dad. Whose responsibility is it? Does that responsibility lie with the medical professional? Well, I guess it depends. I don’t think just any medical professional can have that conversation with the patient. I do think, in many situations, it will be better regarded by the elderly parent if it comes from the professional rather than hearing it from the child. I also think it needs to be a medical professional that has an established relationship with that person.
If I am following one of my patients through the inpatient rehabilitation process, I generally have an established relationship with that person because of seeing him on a near daily basis for the past two to three weeks. If I do not believe the person should be driving, either for the short-term or the long-term, I am going to have that conversation with him. Unfortunately, it often takes hearing those words of advice multiple times from multiple people before that person will give up his keys. So, even if the doctor does have that conversation with Mom or Dad, it will likely take some reinforcement from the adult children too.
More than just elderly parent impacted by not driving.
So the conversation has been had. Your dad has finally accepted the fact that driving is no longer safe for him or those on the road that he would encounter. This is not only inconvenient for him, but it actually becomes quite inconvenient for the adult children, especially if that person does not have a spouse in the picture who can do the driving. Beyond the multiple doctors’ appointments your mom or dad have to go to, they are now also unable to get to the grocery store or even do their usual socializing without depending on you or another family member to get them there. That is a tough thing for you because it is added time and a tough thing for your parent. I have heard it being compared to being a kid again and having to ask for permission to go do anything. That is a difficult thing, and it can often lead to further isolation of your loved one.
Other transportation options when elderly parent no longer able to drive.
I have often advised my patients, that I believe are capable, to use Lyft or Uber or even just calling a taxi. Unfortunately, that is not always a viable option for our loved ones as they age. It can be an overwhelming process, and more often than not, our loved ones do not even own smart phones to order the Uber!
In a “why didn’t I think of this?!” discovery, I came across a service to help to solve that problem. I have zero financial ties to this company, but I think it is such a cool and highly-needed service, so I wanted to take the time to share. The company is called GoGo. This service hails the Uber or Lyft ride for your loved one. Your elderly parent simply calls a phone number and provides the address of where they want to go. Once Dad is done at his appointment or finished lunch with his buddies, he just calls the number again and the service calls the ride to pick him up at the same location he was dropped off.
Additionally, you can get notifications of when and where Mom makes the request for the ride and keeps you updated as she is riding in the car, including when she arrives at her location. This service also provides grocery delivery services and meal delivery services from local restaurants. There is a monthly fee involved ($9.99) and a “concierge rate” (27 cents/minute), but I believe it is one that is worth it. Especially if it allows your elderly parents to maintain some of their previously enjoyed independence without you having to be their driver.
Need assistance to determine how best to tell your elderly parent not to drive? Schedule a consultation with me today and receive the advice and support you need!
What transportation options have you used for your elderly parent? Please leave a comment.
© 2020 Jessica Kluetz, DO